I was talking with someone with hearing loss a few weeks ago and she said something that caught my attention. She stated that over the past 5 years since she finally realized she was living with hearing loss, she decided to tackle this head on. In the process, she ended up working so hard on learning more about her loss that she lost her marriage.
Wow, that's a pretty big leap. While we continued our discussion over a period of 2 weeks, she went on to tell me how this all happened. In retrospect, it made perfect sense. There are a lot of us out there that when confronted with a challenge in our lives, tend to focus more on the problem and forget to pay attention to the other things in our lives. I don't think it's a female trait as I've seen men do the same thing when it came to dealing with a loss of one of your senses.
Here's her story. Once again, I've changed names and towns in order to protect her privacy. And yes, she gave me permission to tell all of you of her journey.
'Angie's' Story:
Angie is 43 years old. She was married for 17 years and has 2 children. Five years ago, she was diagnosed with moderate hearing loss after spending many years in denial. She knew that there was something going on, but with her job and family, just didn't take the time to figure out what the problem was. She attributed her initial hearing difficulty to having allergies or being in a bad acoustical environment. When she began to see the effect that it was having on her business relationships, she decided to go and have a hearing test/audiological evaluation.
Once the testing was complete, it was found that she had a moderate loss in the mid to high tone ranges. So, that explained why she was having a hard time when in a room with female voices, music or kids. She says that she had no problem accepting the fact that she had a hearing loss, but was very focused on how to 'fix' it. She still does not understand how it can't be totally fixed and is still looking into different ways of enhancing her hearing to the point where she does not have to wear her hearing aids.
Her latest attempt involves holistic approaches. This includes different vitamins, herbs and what I would call, brain exercises that involve hearing games. She will spend up to 3 hours every day doing her 'therapy' and has become so focused on the end result that she forgot to learn how to deal with the everyday challenges. She gets frustrated easily and has noticed that her attention span is much shorter than it used to be.
She has even gone so far as to try and control her environment with regards to certain noises because she has been told by one of her holistic teachers that this will help to calm the audiological nerve and thus result in a gain in her hearing. When presented with factual information that tends to reverse this opinion, she gets defiant and still clings to the hope that the information is wrong.
No, she's not depressed. She's just so focused on finding a cure that she can't see the path she has decided to go down as a negative that is affecting everything else in her life. She has been able to at least listen to other possibilities, but the predominant drive for a cure is still winning.
Her relationships with her children as well as her now ex-husband have become less positive as she continues down this road. Initially, they supported her and tried to be receptive to the latest thing/plan/treatment she was undergoing. She has spent over $14,000 on these alternative treatments. Insurance didn't cover the hearing aids and of course is not covering the other unconventional/experimental treatments. She sold her family home a couple of years ago and now rents a 3 bedroom apartment. She also has shared custody of her 2 minor children.
She has been passed over for job promotions twice in the last 7 years and is becoming bitter at her employer for not having the patience to deal with her detailed level of accommodation in the workplace. She has gone to an attorney to see if she can file a lawsuit against the employer since they have not agreed to put some of the holistic treatment approaches into her employment environment. She knows that there is only so much that they can do, but the more focused part of her does not want to back down.
Her kids are tending to spend more time with their Dad vs. living with her. They are limited as to how long the television/music can be on in the home since one of her treatments is to be in absolute silence so that she can do her 'hearing' therapy. They no longer bring friends home to visit and if the phone rings, they have to talk out in the hallway so that it does not disturb their Mom.
Her ex-husband has mixed feelings about all of this. On the one hand, he's trying to remain patient with the current trend of things, but also realizes that this is nuts. Of course, when emotions run high and he confronts Angie on the latest crisis with the kids or newest rule in her home, things tend to be said that are later regretted. He still loves his wife, but he decided that he just can't live in a household where one person is the focus for the way things are done in the home.
So, what's next? Angie has agreed to join a support group for hearing loss. She's still not convinced that she can't 'cure' this. The kids just want their Mom back the way she used to be. The ex-husband is getting ready to start dating again, but also knows that Angie's current behaviour is going to be tough for a new girlfriend to handle.
For those of you out there that are trying to find the cure for hearing loss, there is none. We've got some great assistive listening devices, hearing aids, cochlear implants, ect., but in the long run, you are still going to be dealing with the challenges of your hearing loss everyday. Once you have hearing loss, in most cases, you never go back to having normal hearing. One of the hardest parts of this sense being damaged or lost is that your whole life changes. You have to be ready for it. Getting angry, sad or becoming so focused on finding something to cure it will not help you in the long run to learn how to live your new life.
There are a lot of decisions to be made once you have been diagnosed. The way that you handle those decisions along with how you interact with your friends, family and co-workers will have a big impact on the rest of your life. So, you need to make a decision. Do you accept the challenge of hearing loss or keep fighting it to the point where you lose everything that you once had...
Have a great week!
Copyright 2009 Tami Klink
Read the complete post at http://www.livinglakecountry.com/blogs/communityblogs/67194817.html
Posted
Oct 29 2009, 01:35 AM
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livinglakecountry.com Community Blogs 'Hears' to Life!